understandable unacceptable - unanswered

i once admitted that love is just so beautiful. love ITSELF is beautiful, perhaps. however, i might find myself tearful at anytime i feel like. i ate tearfully, i watched tv tearfully, i did the chores tearfully, i even smiled tearfully. i'm telling the truth, because i just dried my tears right before deciding to do this writing as a way of therapy, hopefully.

it hurts i knew, it hurts i know.
i love someone i love,
i miss someone i love,
it hurts.
but why does it hurt?

LOVE, please keep me sane.
GOD Almighty, please give me strength.


plus, i want a happy entry next time.

ehem ehem

hi there..oh he looks soooo sleepy but im loving this pic!! jgn marah aaa.. :) mm, let me introduce you to this special someone in my life. this is nazman, or i just call him Aman. we've known each other since we were 9 or 10. lala. kidding not that long. but i can say that it has been almost a decade and i would like to say that it's always new. i mean it, just because i believe in what people have been saying, a lifetime is never enough to get to know special someone in our life. well, so many things that we went through, those good and bad, happy and sad. he came to my life at our teens when i refused to believe the existence of true love in someone's personal life, when i hate listening to that so-called beautiful saying of 'i love u' (other people/couples would say), when i wondered how could people easily say the three words, how would that feel? and all i knew, it's GELI GELI GELI and TAK LOGIK..two different people can fall in love, so much to overcome, sangat tipu!!!! but now i know i was so wrong. i'm now falling in love and now i know that every word is not a lie. i eventually feel such a way. some of my uni friends always asked when was the first time i knew that i fall in love. and when i searched for the answer, i found no exact 'when'. i dont know when it started, i dont realize the very first change of what i feel towards this man. i truly dont know! all i know, we keep on bringing each other everywhere life might take us. and the rest, grows by itself. appreciation, respect and love. thank GOD! there were so many good and funny things that we went through and some might make me laugh and laugh if i recalled. thanks to those memories and special thanks to him for a lot of sacrifices he had made. there were also many times that i hurt him i know, but he just stays calm and being so patient, keep learning me, myself and i. he always makes me feel like crying..
yes, it has been many2 years and i keep questioning myself the reason for his loyalty (very2 thankful but oh, i'm soooo human). sometimes i just wonder why he could be so strong waiting and treating me good for all these while. all i know, all i aware, he remains the same; always there and treats me his best. i keep asking myself why he loves me, why he treats me very good, but when i ask myself the same questions (for all the same way i feel for him), i know love has no answer and needs no reason. love needs trust. percaya dan jujur. jujur semasa masih menyayangi, dan jujur juga bila rasa sayang sudah pudar. love is just so beautiful. i'm so thankful for the happiness today and i pray that the love and happiness will lead us to a meaningful life ahead. the rest, i leave the future to GOD for He knows what's best for us.

he's 25 years old today. i'm happy to know him. i'm happy that i love him. yesterday, today, 17may2008 and always.

***
my dearest,
i think of you and i always do. but once in a while, i feel guilty about not being with you on your birthdays. but again, this is our love story that we have been living. i love you, i think of you, you love me, you think of me. every single day. we have a place in each other's heart. thus, i feel the love everywhere i am and i hope you feel the same way too because the love in me is for you-unconditionally.

cik ann tagged

1. How tall are you ? -15something cm
2. Have you ever smoked? - never
3. Do you own a gun? - not brave enough
4. Do you hate someone right now? - nobody in particular
5. Do you get nervous? - yup
6.What do you think of hotdogs? - sosej!
7. Whats your favorite Christmas song? - no favorite
8. What do you prefer to drink? - mm..not soya bean
9. Can you do push ups? - once or twice..hehe
10.Whats your favorite piece of jewelry? - ring
11. Do you like painkillers? - say NO
12. What is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex? - don't know..a smile or a cry?
13. Do you own a knife? - yup
14. Do you have H.I.V? - Nauzubillah
15. ur name? - daniadanis :)
16. Name 3 things u wanna do at this exact moment? - peaceful vacation, shopping, and dating? ;)
17. Name the last 3 things you have bought lately: book, deodorant, cleanser
18. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink: tea, nescafe, tea haha..
19. What time did you wake up today? - 6:59am ;)
20. Current worry? - eating habit, loss of appetite. yes, i need an appetizer. but what is it?
21.Current hate? - cicaks
22. Favorite place to be? - home sweet home. specific; living area.
23. least favorite place to be? - clinic hehee..
24. Where would you like to go? - Japan, Italy
25.Do you own slippers? - mesti laa..
26. What shirt are you wearing? - guess what? ;)
27. Would you like to be a pirate? - why should i?
28. Last time you had an alcoholicdrink? - Thank GOD, NEVER!
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? - can be this n that. and sometimes poco-poco ;)
30. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? - mom n abah were not around...
31. what’s in your pocket right now? - nothing
32. Last thing that made you laugh? - an actor in his drama
33. Last thing that made you cry? - i miss ................
34. Worst injury you’ve ever had? - serious one? 1998..
35. How many cellphones do you have? - one n only
36. Who is your loudest friend? - cik ann bleh tak? hehehe...
37.Your most silent friend? - [recalling]
38. Movie you wanna see? - a few
39. What is your favorite book? - married life? haha..no la..mm..non of those complicated scientific facts!
40.What is your favorite chocolate? - cadburry..so, bytes also can do
41. What song do/did you want to play at your wedding? - Keluarga Bahagia?;) mm..dont think of any..
42. What were you doing 12 AM lastnight? - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
43. What was the First thing you did today? - cleaned
44. What was the last thing you did laz nite before sleep? - calling2..

i tag: anyone:)

mother defines perfect

being the happiest person since the first day of pregnancy, a mother is always in her

best position to understand the beautiful bond; a bond that keeps a mother alive and strong for her whole life of motherhood.

and for the kids, it is said that; the moment to understand mother's love is to raise a child on our own.

is it never too late?

***
abah kept reminding me the same old story over and over again;

mom was due to give birth to my lil bro in the end of March 1987 when i aged 4. occured a day before Keputeraan Sultan Kelantan, abah himself a teacher, together with my brother and sister attended the annual celebration at Istana Kubang Kerian which was a must. so, there were just three of us at home; mom, grandpa and i, when mom finally started frowning in pain. and ripleys'-believe-it-or-not, i applied some balm over mom's leg and gave a gentle massage. perhaps it was granpa who taught me but what matter is i did it! syukur, abah came home in a little while and got mom to the hospital.

God, i wish to always be a good daughter but i guess i'm not. after 20 years, i'm no more into massaging! i try to help mom but my heart is not in it.

and after 20 years, i'm still trying in vain to avoid myself having a fit of the sulks. small matter might even take two days. do i need to consult anyone anything? this is what i keep regretting because mom never complains and always be the one who breaks the ice. God, i keep hurting mom while mom keeps giving love.

my GOD,
on this Mother's Day, i pray that i would always show my love to mom, i pray that mom forever knows how much i love her, and i pray that i could live life as strong as she does with all the love she gives me and all the pain i give her.

my Mom,
if i have to define perfect, i would surely define you. but obviously im far not that perfect. i know i'm not that good. but i believe that i love you and forever will do.

homework? :)

LYN tagged

List out the top 5 presents you wish for:
1) bookshelf
2) maid? heee..
3) simple landscaping?
4) ticket to olomouc
5) a bouquet of roses from my dear ;)

List out the reason for your choice:
1) for more books and photo albums.
2) for mom :)
3) for mom :)
4) to visit my lil bro
5) NEVER have one! but dont mind at all..bunga kan layu.......huhu..

The person who tagged u is:
Nik Elyna Myeda Nik Mat

5 impression of him/her:
1) wow..look at her hair.
2) hmm..is she a malay?
3) NIK ELYNA MYEDA..hey..can u pronounce?
4) KLite yg bleh kecek kelate (plus the chinese look)
5) lemah lembut :)

Most loved invention:
greeting card from my dear

What do you despise the most:
gang-rapist!

Tag:
anyone:)


*****
AIFAA tagged

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night.
mom

2. What were you doing at 0800?
breakfast

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
eating

4. What happened to you in 2006?
KK trip

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
"adoooiiiii.........!!"

6. How many beverages did you have today?
teh o

7. What color is your hairbrush?
black

8. What was the last thing you paid for?
toilet = 2kupang :)

9. Where were you last night?
home sweet home

10. What color is your front door?
cik an, is it dark brown or dark maroon?

11. Where do you keep your change?
purse

12. What’s the weather like today?
cloudy

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
vanilla

14. Do you want to cut your hair?
maybe

15. Are you over the age of 25?
not yet

16. Do you talk a lot?
depends

17. Do you watch the O.C.?
never

18. Do you know anyone named Steven?
no idea

19. Do you make up your own words?
depends

20. Are you a jealous person?
i guess

21. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’.
Anggerek

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’.
Khelly

23. Who’s the first person on your received call list?
MAfeslev ;)

24. What does the last text message you received say?
biarlah rahsia....;)

25. Do you chew on your straw?
depends ;)

26. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
aunty's

27. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
my ex-student..a girl!

28. What was the last thing you ate?
nasi ayam

29. Will you get married in the future?
insyaAllah

30. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
Bee Movie at home..haha best best

31. Is there anyone you like right now?
yup, always

32. When was the last time you did the dishes?
this morning

33. Are you currently depressed?
a bit. wanted to do something on my own but i just couldn't.

34. Did you cry today?
no

35. Why did you answer and post this?
appreciation :)

36. Tag 5 people who would do this survey.
anyone anyone anyone anyone anyone?

here & there & everywhere

happy?
it is, of course.
but there's a word that describes better.
it is meaningful.

'take care' was one of the says.
exchanged a meaningful look.
turned and walked away.
but still wanted to turn back.
at least for a second.
so that i could finally turn
and smile.

i closed the door and locked up.
told myself to lock the previous moment at once.
so that it stop playing in my mind.
so that it stay still just in my heart.
had no intention to forget it.
just to heal the sorrow.
and to give myself a try.
to think good and live life on.

that's just a little part of the story.
no need to mention what it takes
to live the coming days, or weeks, or months.
until the next chance to meet again.

thankfully.

the beauty, the love, are always there.
but love sometimes gives both tough and easy tests.


distant love.
have you ever?